im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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