So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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