it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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