Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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