I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
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i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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