i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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