So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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