I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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