So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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