dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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