Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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