I got chris browned last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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