New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize