I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize