i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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