My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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