Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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