remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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