I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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