I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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