This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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