I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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