She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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