mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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