Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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