he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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