R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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