Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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