Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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