you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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