The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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