I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize