I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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