Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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