I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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