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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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