theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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