I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize