haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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