I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize