Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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