i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize