Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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