Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize