Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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