But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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