Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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