come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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