it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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