Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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